Hey there little baby! Your mama is a little behind the times this month. You’re actually 29 weeks now, but life has been crazy and you’ve made me very tired lately. Really tired! We’ve made it to the third trimester and I could not be happier! I’m so excited to hold you. I feel so blessed to have had this precious bonding time with you before you are earth-side.
You are kicking like crazy and I’m finally being able to see it on the outside of my belly all the time now; not just when I look really hard. People have actually said, “Whoa! The baby just moved!” It’s seriously the coolest thing.
The doctor says I’m measuring bigger than my due date, yet I haven’t gained a ton of weight. Guess what that means?? You’re a big one! Just like your brother. That being said, I’m kind of happy we had getting you out of there at 39 weeks and a few days. Even though I love the chunky babies!
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We have been doing lots to prepare for this little one. Removing wallpaper, painting, planning, organizing. I’m getting as prepared as I can for maternity leave which starts the third week of March. It’s a crazy time to be going on maternity leave because it’s right at the beginning of new rotation at work! That means, I have to get everything prepared a month in advance for not only a new rotation, but all the curriculum for while I’m gone! Wow, it’s going to be a crazy month next month, that’s for sure!
Teddy has been such a great help around the house. I was just telling Alex the other day how I need to remember that teaching him is more important than actually getting anything done. He WANTS to help with EVERYTHING. He loves gardening, cleaning, cooking, dishes, and the like. It takes me ten times as long to do things and he often has meltdowns when I try to hurry him along a bit. I’m so excited to see how he settles into his role as Big Brother.
As I’ve entered my third trimester I’ve had a mix of emotions. Excitement, anxiety, sadness, joy, fear. This time last year was a crazy whirlwind of emotions and in the next few months it will all come full circle. God’s interesting that way, isn’t He? Last year, I didn’t know I was pregnant. In the next month, I would get sick with the flu and find out in the Emergency Room that I was pregnant with our second child. In the weeks following we would lose that child and I would have a surgery that resulted in my child being taken from my body. And, without really planning it, we would get pregnant again for the third time… not realizing that I would be giving birth a year later, around the anniversary of his or her sibling’s departure from earth. I don’t really know what to feel and my mind seems to agree with my heart.
I have insomnia, which I did with Teddy too, but this sometimes seems different. I hear a baby crying in the night. I’ve kept the baby’s room off limits for the most part and I think it’s because I’ve tried to control my emotions about this baby. It seems crazy to me. I feel this baby moving around inside me, constantly reminding me, “Hey! I’m here! I’m alive!” and I completely fall head over heels for this little person I’ve never met. And yet, I still haven’t full accepted it. But, I love this little one so much — I know I do.
I’m so excited to, more often than nervous. I can’t wait to see what this little one will look like, act like, how he or she will fit into our little family. What he or she will be when they grow up. What kind of impact will they make on the world? How will they change me? How will the change others? I cannot wait to hold another tiny little one again. I cannot wait to have that flood of emotions when we finally find out, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” I cannot wait to snuggle and nurse and wear my baby. Oh, how I’ve missed baby wearing!
Only 10 short weeks to go and I cannot be more excited and nervous and ecstatic and terrified, and anxious! Oh Lord, give me peace. Let me accept your plan for me, for this little one, for our lives.