Little Turnip,
Wow, has this past month been interesting. You’re not making me as nauseous or tired, though I’m still pretty tired; that may have something to do with your fearless, adventurous, brother though so you get some slack. Simple tasks these days take three times as long to do and I have to sit down a lot. I completely forgot this part of pregnancy! How you’re tired all the time and feel like you weigh a thousand pounds and don’t have any energy.
You have me craving peaches and pickles, pretty similarly to your brother, although I crave peaches more this time. I’m eating them fresh, canned, yogurted, basically in any form. I’m not craving milk really and I definitely haven’t been able to enjoy a cup of coffee yet, which is a bummer — your mommy REALLY likes coffee. You will let me have an occasional hot chocolate or chai though, which is nice.
We’re getting to the point now where I could be feeling you kick more often. You did kick me really hard two weeks ago and I was stunned. I thought it was WAY to early for that. Since then, you’ve been pretty quiet. I’ve felt either flutters or gas bubbles for a while but nothing substantial. I’m really looking forward to you kicking me so I have a constant reminder of your presence.
We love you and can’t wait to hold you!
* * *
Well hello there baby bump! You decided to just show up there didn’t ya? Whelp, now I don’t have to suck it in anymore so, HOLLA!
Have I mentioned how tiring being pregnant and chasing around a toddler is? Nothing like growing another life inside you to make you feel so exhausted. I get winded walking around the house, climbing stairs, and I sometimes even get light-headed if I stand up too fast. I’m constantly feeling off, like something is physically wrong with me! No healthy 28 year old woman should be winded walking up the stairs. Then I remember that I’m growing a baby and I cut myself some slack, but not too much! As much as I’d love to just sit on the couch and eat fries all day, I know that’s not healthy for this little turnip growing inside me.
I still have an aversion to most vegetables and it’s pretty sad when things I love start tasting different or off. Especially if I spent over and hour cooking a tasty meal only for it to taste gross to me. It’s the strangest thing! Pregnancy is weird.
Teddy is continually keep me on my toes, mentally and physically. He’s a riot these days. He loves making people laugh, wrestling, chasing, and helping out around the house. He’s such a good boy, but man is he independent! So far, I’ve learned that taking something away from him without asking him to give it to me first is a HUGE mistake. He throws a MAJOR fit and runs away crying. It’s pretty sad, when I’m not laughing hysterically at him throwing himself on the floor, crying, “Nooooooo!” Like he’s falling into a pit of lava to his death. Teddy is so dramatic.
Anywho, we’re trying to get him prepped for the new baby coming by talking about babies a lot, but he’s not really getting the concept yet. I feel like he’s still so young and hasn’t learned enough about himself to understand something outside of himself. So, this whole sibling thing should be interesting.
Last month in September would have been when our second baby was due. I woke up Friday morning, on my due date so sad and I had a huge headache. There was nothing I would have rather done but to crawl in bed all day and have a good cry, but Teddy needed me. I remembered our baby in my own way that day by pulling out the ultrasound photos, the teddy bear I bought, and some other items. Then I packed them away again. I received a sweet card from a dear friend that completely touched me and allowed me the space I needed to cry. Thanks, Bree.
On my nephew’s birthday this past week, I was sitting there will all our family just in awe of God’s love for us, his children and thinking about how our little one would have been here for this day. Then as we were walking out to the car, my nephew accidentally let go of one of his balloons and it floated up into the atmosphere. I was overwhelmed. It seemed silly but I felt like the balloon was somehow going to reach heaven and our baby knew the balloon was from us.
It’s such an difficult thing to explain — grief. There are day I’m completely logical about it. I know my baby’s life was whole and complete, even though it was short. In that, I feel like I celebrate his/her birthday on the day they left my body. But for some reason, it felt appropriate to celebrate, even in a small way, his/her perspective due date as well. I guess there is no right or wrong answer when it comes it grief. It’s just a process.
Our rainbow baby, Baby April is so precious to us and we are so excited about this blessing of life granted to us, however long it is.
Here’s to 16 weeks down!
