Baby Lopez | 16 Weeks

Little Turnip,

Wow, has this past month been interesting. You’re not making me as nauseous or tired, though I’m still pretty tired; that may have something to do with your fearless, adventurous, brother though so you get some slack.  Simple tasks these days take three times as long to do and I have to sit down a lot. I completely forgot this part of pregnancy! How you’re tired all the time and feel like you weigh a thousand pounds and don’t have any energy.

You have me craving peaches and pickles, pretty similarly to your brother, although I crave peaches more this time. I’m eating them fresh, canned, yogurted, basically in any form. I’m not craving milk really and I definitely haven’t been able to enjoy a cup of coffee yet, which is a bummer — your mommy REALLY likes coffee. You will let me have an occasional hot chocolate or chai though, which is nice.

We’re getting to the point now where I could be feeling you kick more often. You did kick me really hard two weeks ago and I was stunned. I thought it was WAY to early for that. Since then, you’ve been pretty quiet. I’ve felt either flutters or gas bubbles for a while but nothing substantial. I’m really looking forward to you kicking me so I have a constant reminder of your presence.

We love you and can’t wait to hold you!

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Well hello there baby bump! You decided to just show up there didn’t ya? Whelp, now I don’t have to suck it in anymore so, HOLLA!

Have I mentioned how tiring being pregnant and chasing around a toddler is? Nothing like growing another life inside you to make you feel so exhausted. I get winded walking around the house, climbing stairs, and I sometimes even get light-headed if I stand up too fast. I’m constantly feeling off, like something is physically wrong with me! No healthy 28 year old woman should be winded walking up the stairs. Then I remember that I’m growing a baby and I cut myself some slack, but not too much! As much as I’d love to just sit on the couch and eat fries all day, I know that’s not healthy for this little turnip growing inside me.

I still have an aversion to most vegetables and it’s pretty sad when things I love start tasting different or off. Especially if I spent over and hour cooking a tasty meal only for it to taste gross to me. It’s the strangest thing! Pregnancy is weird.

Teddy is continually keep me on my toes, mentally and physically. He’s a riot these days. He loves making people laugh, wrestling, chasing, and helping out around the house. He’s such a good boy, but man is he independent! So far, I’ve learned that taking something away from him without asking him to give it to me first is a HUGE mistake. He throws a MAJOR fit and runs away crying. It’s pretty sad, when I’m not laughing hysterically at him throwing himself on the floor, crying, “Nooooooo!” Like he’s falling into a pit of lava to his death. Teddy is so dramatic.

Anywho, we’re trying to get him prepped for the new baby coming by talking about babies a lot, but he’s not really getting the concept yet. I feel like he’s still so young and hasn’t learned enough about himself to understand something outside of himself. So, this whole sibling thing should be interesting.

Last month in September would have been when our second baby was due. I woke up Friday morning, on my due date so sad and I had a huge headache. There was nothing I would have rather done but to crawl in bed all day and have a good cry, but Teddy needed me. I remembered our baby in my own way that day by pulling out the ultrasound photos, the teddy bear I bought, and some other items. Then I packed them away again. I received a sweet card from a dear friend that completely touched me and allowed me the space I needed to cry. Thanks, Bree.

On my nephew’s birthday this past week, I was sitting there will all our family just in awe of God’s love for us, his children and thinking about how our little one would have been here for this day. Then as we were walking out to the car, my nephew accidentally let go of one of his balloons and it floated up into the atmosphere. I was overwhelmed. It seemed silly but I felt like the balloon was somehow going to reach heaven and our baby knew the balloon was from us.

It’s such an difficult thing to explain — grief. There are day I’m completely logical about it. I know my baby’s life was whole and complete, even though it was short. In that, I feel like I celebrate his/her birthday on the day they left my body. But for some reason, it felt appropriate to celebrate, even in a small way, his/her perspective due date as well. I guess there is no right or wrong answer when it comes it grief. It’s just a process.

Our rainbow baby, Baby April is so precious to us and we are so excited about this blessing of life granted to us, however long it is.

Here’s to 16 weeks down!

Baby Lopez | 12 Weeks

Little April Baby, man oh man have you made me tired. I’ve been so lucky not to have barfed at all this entire pregnancy (until the first day of week 12). You have made me oh, so nauseous though. The nausea where you’re sure if you could just barf it would go away… But, this ain’t my first rodeo kid. I’m so aware that the sickness stays and stays. But, man I thought we were in the clear! Home stretch into the second trimester and you had me barfing every hour. Sheesh!

You have eve already brought us so much joy, even in the midst of nausea. We keep trying to figure out where we are going to live and where we are going to put you and imagining what you’ll be! Your Daddy and I have decided to wait until you’re born to find out! I could not be more excited. We decided this after determining that the best course of action would be to have a scheduled c-section.  I remember your Nana telling me how crazy it was to walk up to the counter at the hospital on June 5th to have your Daddy; no contractions, no pain and yet she was going to have a baby. So, we decided that since some of the anticipation was going to be left out this time, that we might as well make it a little fun. So, we’re planning on waiting to find out what you are! Here’s hoping no one screws it up.

We cannot wait to meet you and see what you’ll look like!

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Growing another life while trying to keep a crazy toddler alive is seriously, no joke. Throw in a two story apartment complex on grocery day, no backyard for this kid to run around in, a part time job and nausea (now barfing), and you have a deadly cocktail for one tired and angry mama bear. Listen, I’ve been living without much sleep for the past two years, but these vivid dreams and tossing and turning and barfing and hunger has gots to go!

But, seriously… These dreams. So incredibly vivid and random dreams. Most of mine lately have to do with nesting. In fact, last night I dreamed about deying my sheets a deep indigo blue: the entire process, start to finish. How mundane and boring! Hah. And yet, those sheets turned about pretty stinking amazing — I was so proud of dream me. What does it all mean? Seriously, Dad… Can I get some dream interpretation over here?

Ive also not been able to cook hardly at all. I can’t stand eggs or any raw meat. It’s extremely rare that I even have the energy to make anything let alone the desire to touch or taste anything. Why is it that I seem to be able to taste the earth from whence all the vegetables came? And why does all meat taste so… Meaty? Gah. Just give me peaches and orange juice. That’s about all I want these days. Oh! Have I mentioned that I haven’t had any coffee either this go around? I was a two cups a day kind of girl before and I literally had to quit cold turkey because the smell of coffee would make me gap. It’s crazy how our bodies respond to these babies!

Just as when they are earth side, these babies that can cause so much strife and change are truly the greatest little blessings. I’m amazed over and over every single time we get to see our little one on the screen. And I keep waiting in anticipation for this one to move so I can feel it. I can’t wait for that! It’s my absolutely favorite part of pregnancy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you can make me feel sick all you want little one. I’m so privileged to be able to be carrying you and I can’t wait to hold you and squeeze you.

Love, Mama