Motherhood – Hello Leelo

A Mother’s Devotional

“Are you there God? It’s me, the Mother.”

Anyone else feel like this sometimes? Like, oh yeah, God — He and I were like super close once. Now I barely get time to even talk to Him. For example, this blogpost? This event I’m about to write down. It happened 5 days ago, and I’m just sitting down to write it.

Hold on. Someone pooped their pants.

So, as I was saying.

Oh…. hang on. The baby’s awake.

::Two Days Later::

As I was saying… That God guy.

These days, it’s difficult to have my quiet time. One kid gets up at 5:45 am and one goes to bed at 11 pm and in between there, I’m running a household and working part time. As a result, many times over the past three months I’ve wondered, “God, are you still there?” “Am I still beloved to you?” “Do you get me? Where I am right now? Do you know how much I’d like to hear from you?”

And so, the days go on. Elmo watching, cooking, cleaning (bottoms and counters and couches and toys and such), playing, and reading.

On this particular day, I was sitting with Teddy reading one of his favorite books, “I Love You, Through and Through.” Seriously we’ve read this book 50 times, just today.

In this book, each page has approximately 4 words:
“I love you through and through […] I love your inside and your outside […] Your happy side and your sad side.” And so on.

As I’m reading it for the 4th time, the other day, a page stuck out to me. “I love your happy side and your sad side. Your silly side and your mad side.”

“Your mad side?”

Isn’t it true though? It’s hard, don’t get me wrong; but I still LOVE my kids (yes, even my irrational toddler) when they are mad.

And right then, God said, “Yes. I even love your mad side.”

“Me? You love me when I’m mad? I don’t even get mad over justified things God. How could you love my mad side?”

“I love your mad side. I love you through and through.”

If that doesn’t hit you like a ton of bricks, then… well, I don’t know. But it spoke to me.

God loves me through and through. He meets me where I am. In my busyness. In my never-get-to-sit-still-ness. God’s there. He sees. He hears. He knows. And He loves.

I don’t know about you, but I’m called to listen and pray without ceasing. It’s not something I have to think about or plan out. God doesn’t need my 15 minutes of time with Him each day. My God isn’t limited to that. My God and I are in constant communion. He’s right there, next to me while I play with my kids. While I’m scolding my kids. While I’m doing the dishes. While I’m having a dance party. While I’m gorging on dark chocolate covered almonds with sea salt.

My God doesn’t live in a box. He lives in books, in the sky, in my heart.

So, take heart mama. God’s there. He knows. He sees. He hears. He loves you through and through.

A Mother

Happy Mother’s Day!!

While Teddy’s due date isn’t until tomorrow (and I have a feeling he’s going to make us wait a few more days) I’m so anxious and excited about the idea of becoming a mother. It is something I have ALWAYS wanted to be. I’ve talked about it since I was young and it was something in the forefront of my mind while I was dating, and finally chose to marry, Alex. I wanted a man who wanted kids, who loved kids.

I did not know how I would become a mother. Whether through fostering, adopting or biological — as I’ve always had the desire for all three. I am so happy to experience a biological child and I hope the Lord continues to bless us with other children however he sees fit!

I’ve had wonderful examples of mothers in my life — my mom, my grandma and for the last 10 years my mother in law. Each of them is so special in their own way and I know they were hand picked by God to be the amazing influences they are for many. I can’t wait to take the things I’ve learned from them and show Teddy the kind of woman I hope he chooses to marry. She’ll be a little bit crazy, creative, loving and caring, patient and kind, always truthful and strong! May I be those things for him so he knows what to look for in a partner.

Thank you Moms for all you’ve sacrificed for us and taught us! Today we celebrate you!!

I Love Technology

Technology is amazing, let me start off with that. You know why?! Because, I was able to actually see my baby yesterday (10/4/12). It’s about the size of kidney bean but it has a heartbeat… a heartbeat, you guys! I’m telling you, it’s the moment that changed everything for me. I’ve been so skeptical this whole time, worrying if this baby was viable, taking pregnancy tests every day for a week straight, praying and praying and praying for this appointment to come! And it came and it. was. magical.

Just look at that little kidney bean. This picture totally doesn’t do it justice and seeing it move around in there was just ridiculous! It jumped and flinched and I almost lost it. It’s a baby — an actual baby… and I love it so much.

On the not so bright side, this baby is kicking my butt. I can barely eat anything and nothing sounds good except bready-salty things. I haven’t gained any weight yet, mostly because anything I eat ends up in the toilet. Morning sickness is in full effect and I’m pretty much married to my bed. I love sleep… almost as much as I love technology.

But not as much as you, you see… but I still love technology.

Always and Forever.
Leelo and Ander +1

Two Lines

Me: “I’m going to take a bath, or we can go in the jacuzzi if you want to…”
Alex: “Okay…”
Me: “We don’t have to.”
Alex: “Yeah, that’s okay. You can take a bath.”

Nat walks to the bathroom, carrying a candle and her laptop to watch a Rom Com.

Nat: (Thinks to self) “Gosh, it’s still early but maybe…”

Nat walks to the cupboard and takes out a test. An early one.

Nat: (Thinks to self) “This makes sense, right? I am 3 days early… but I’m showing some signs. Ugh, what the heck. We’ve ben trying for 10 months why not take one? At least I’ll know and if it’s negative, I can prepare myself. Okay… here it goes.”

Approximately 4(ish) minutes later…

TWO LINES.

Nat: (Thinks to self) “TWO LINES! TWO LINES! That’s pregnant, right? I’ve never seen two lines before. What do I do? I had this whole thing planned out on how I was going to tell him. Dinner and that teddy bear I… oh, CRAP. I left it at our old apartment. Well, Jonna is still there… but how do I explain that I need to go get it?”

Nat: “Hey! I forgot something at Jonna’s that I need for subbing tomorrow. I’ll just go run and get it. Do you want frozen yogurt? Okay, bye!”

(Thinks to self) “He doesn’t suspect… right? No. It’s fine.”

Arrives at apartment. Lots of jumping up and down. Grabs bear. Drives back — slowly and carefully.

Nat: (Opens door — shaking) “Hey, don’t be mad. I bought a shirt at Anthro for work and I left it at the apartment.

Alex: “It’s okay. Hey! I found something awesome. Come look.”

Nat: (Thinks to self) “Oh no! Did he find the test?! I threw it in the drawer really quick before I left. Maybe he found it?”

Alex: “It’s that rug we want. But guess what? It’s 75% off, just today…” (Then he says a lot of other stuff that I don’t remember because I’m so nervous!)

Nat: “That’s so cool, Bub. Hey… I’m sorry I forgot to get you frozen yogurt, but I think that what I did get you is better.”

Alex: (Opens up anthro bag. Looks up) “Is this? Bubbie? Is this?”

Nat: (Shakes head “yes” and starts crying).

Alex begins to sob, holding the bear and soaking it with his tears of joy.

We’re speechless. TWO LINES.

P.S. I took another test like 5 seconds later. A real one and it was positive. Not even my first pee of the day or anything (TMI, sorry).

TWO LINES.

This is happening. Thank you LORD!!

“I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.” – 1 Samuel 1:27–28

Thoughts on Motherhood

I was a single mom for four days last week to my little friend, Tenley and boy… was it eye opening.

First off, kudos to you stay-at-home, working, parents to multiple children, and single moms (and dads) out there.

You are my heros.

I don’t know how you do it all! I worked during Tenley’s naps and after I put her to bed, had absolutely no privacy, didn’t shower for two days, spoke in crazy high-pitched voices, watched Veggie Tales three times in one day, and said, “What is that?” and “What do you want?” a billion times.

All that being said. I love little Tenley girl so so so much. I cannot wait to be a mother. I never even knew I could love someone so much that wasn’t my own child, but I do. It makes me excited for what God has planned for our family. Whether he blesses us with biological children or adopted children. How we’ll make jobs works, where we will live, what we will teach our children. How we will discipline them and embarrass them. Train them to make a difference in their world; to stand out and stand up for what they believe. How they will grow into adults, learn a trade or two and make a living for themselves. Then how they will, eventually, marry and start lives of their own. I can’t wait for all of it.

Bring it on.