Baby – Hello Leelo

Sam | 4 Months Old

Sam,

I’m sorry you’ve fallen prey to the “second sibling syndrome”. I am seriously lagging on your monthly posts these days. But, that is in no way a reflection of how much love I have for you or how amazing you are! Believe me, kid. You’re a champ.

This month you had a HUGE adventure. You went with Mama to VBS. The last three days of that week you joined me on this crazy adventure. I strapped you on and you went with me everywhere. Running around, registering kids, doing dance moves, making announcements, set up and tear down. I wore you all day and you were a champ.

You’re definitely mama’s right hand (or right hip) man these days. You always want me to be wearing you or holding you. You love to sleep in our bed, even for your naps. In fact, you prefer it at all times. I put you down for your naps in your bassinet and all you do is squirm around in there, but if I put you on our bed you’re out like a light in seconds.

Some firsts you experienced this month:

Rolling Over
Pedicures with Nana
Movie Night with Mama
Fourth of July
Big Belly Laugh

I’m not sure how big you are, or what percentile you’re in, but you have chunked up quite a bit! That may have contributed to you having to work on rolling over for so long. You have quite the head! You could roll over every part of your body, but getting your head over was the biggest challenge for you. NOW, you are a rolling machine! And you can hold your head up for the LONGEST time. You LOVE tummy time and playing on your mat.

You are seriously the smiliest. You hardly ever cry. If you do it’s because you’re hungry and that’s it. You don’t even cry when you’re wet or dirty, unless I somehow totally missed it. You smile right when you get up and you’re never mad at me for waking you up. You’re always up for anything — seriously. You’re carted around everywhere and taken from place to place, carseat to stroller to carrier and back.

You’re quite the “talker” now too. You love to screech and laugh and you LOVE hearing your own voice. You’re a loud one, that’s for sure. Many times I’ve gone in to check on you during your nap and you’re just talking away to yourself in your crib. It’s adorable and I love it.

You have no qualms with taking a bottle and you can even hold it yourself now. It makes it much easier for Mom to get a night out every once in a while, so THANK YOU! You even let your brother give you a bottle, when he feels like it. Speaking of your brother, you are just over the moon for him. You love to stare at him, smile at him and hold his hand in the car while I drive. His voice alone will calm you down from a screaming fit and it just absolutely warms my heart. I can’t wait until you boys are older and are playing together. It’s going to be so awesome to watch!

I love you. So much,
Mama

Baby Lopez | 36 Weeks

Baby,

We’re in the month in which you’re to be born! I can’t believe its finally here. I’m so ready to hold you and see your squishy little face. You’ve had the hiccups quite a bit this month and your movements are getting so strong! You’re still sideways and you like to keep your head to the right, which it where I usually feel your little hiccups. People can even feel them on the outside of my belly, which means you must have some strong lungs! I’m looking forward to that first, super strong cry as soon as you come out.

Braxton Hicks are strong with you, little one. I’ve had a few that felt like real contractions. You have also kicked me SO hard, twice now, that I’ve had to stop mid conversation and recover.

The doctor continues to remind me that I’m measuring about a week ahead and that you are a BIG baby. Surprise, surprise. I’m actually glad you’re going to be big because that means you’ll be a good eater and you’ll sleep for LONG stretches… right?

Come soon little one! We can’t wait to see you.

* * *

This final month is going by…. so… slowly. My goodness. Some days are REALLY good. I have a ton of energy and my nesting is in high gear. Some days require coffee and a whole lot of Jesus. Also, naps. I am so blessed that brother bear has adjusted to his new nap routine and bed time routine. It should make the process of rocking and nursing the baby constantly a little bit easier, or at least I can hope.

Alex and I have decided that Baby bear will be our last biological child. It’s not a decision we came to without great prayer, but we ultimately are very happy with the children we’ve been blessed with biologically. We’ve always been open to the Lord growing our family in other ways and we know that our family isn’t done growing, but I’m done growing them. Hah. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but my body is done with this stage of life. I’m ready to start raising my little ones into amazing men and women. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has blessed us with this time!

As I’m writing this, I’m actually 37 weeks along (so is my picture) so we only have 2 weeks and 1 day left until my scheduled c-section. That means only 2 more weeks until we get to find out is Baby Lopez is a boy or a girl. I’m still 85% sure it’s a boy — as if I could actually know that.

For most of my pregnancy people have said, “Oh! you’re definitely having a girl.” But, recently almost every single person has said, “Are you having a boy?” I don’t know if I’m just all the sudden carrying differently or what, but it seems as though most people are jumping on the “boy” bandwagon lately.

This month has been an interesting time for us. On March 11th of 2014 I went to the hospital for my D&C, four days before that we had our second ultrasound to confirm that the baby’s heartbeat was null. Two days before that was our 8 week ultrasound where we would find out that there was a 7 week and 1 day old baby, but no heartbeat. To say that this past week has been emotional would be an understatement. I think Alex actually felt it more than me. I think because he never truly got to process it as it was happening, where as I’ve had the whole year to feel every single bit of the grief and pain to finally reach the point of acceptance. Maybe that’s what this feeling is. Acceptance.

The Lord has provided much distraction for me this past week, between family visiting and prenatal appointments, to retreats for Alex and maternity leave prep for me. I think He knew I needed the distraction, to focus on the joy that’s about to happen. I know I’ll have time to remember and grieve but I also think God wants me to notice and remember THIS pregnancy. I so appreciate that.

It’s been a long and tiring year, but also one full of so many, MANY blessings. God is beyond good.

Baby Lopez | 8 Weeks

Dearest little one, how we’ve prayed and prayed that God would give us another child. We were so sad to have lost our second and you are such an answer to prayer. We got to see your heartbeat for the first time when you were just 7 weeks and 5 days along. We lost your sibling at 7 weeks and 1 day so imagine my joy when the first time I got to see you, you had already passed that time! Seeing you was much too short for me because I could have stared at that little flicker forever. What an amazing gift life is.

Your brother has absolutely no idea that you’re coming. Not a clue. I have a feeling that his world will be completely turned upside down once you get here. Oh wow! We have so much to do to prepare for you!

Keep growing, healthy and strong. You can make me throw up all you want, make me tired, just make sure Mommy knows you’re there. I love you.

* * *

I still can’t believe we are going to have another baby. It’s such an amazing blessing. If I’m being honest, I am a nervous wreck. Having lost a baby previously every, single, little thing makes we wonder if I’ll lose this one too. I was sick to my stomach the day of our appointment. I even scheduled it for 3:30 in the afternoon — what was I thinking?! I almost threw up 4 times that day just from anxiety. When I arrived at my appointment the nurse kept asking me if I felt pregnant, but all I could think is, “I don’t know lady! Just do the ultrasound and tell me if I am or not!”

I know that everything is in God’s hands and even if He decides to take this baby from me that He is still good and His will is perfect. Even in the short time that we’ve had to grieve the loss of our little one, a few other close friends have either lost babies or had troubles conceiving — and I can’t tell you how healing and hard it’s been to walk through it with them. I can see God at work in each of their stories and I am praying so hard for their babies (to come and soon to be).

This pregnancy feels different than with Teddy. I’m not barfing, but I’m nauseous ALL DAY and I am oh, so, so tired. Teddy keeps me on my feet and on my toes with his crazy antics. He’s climbing and singing and dancing and terrorizing the dog, and saying “no, no, no.” quite a bit these days. I think he can sense some changes are brewing and he isn’t quite sure how to deal with it. Except that he needs me ALL THE TIME. Alex can’t even push the cart halfway down the isle before he saying, “Mama? Mama?” Forget about the simple days of dropping him off in the toddler room at church or the day care at the gym. He goes into complete meltdown mode. I’m actually really struggling with how to help him cope with his separation anxiety. It’s a first for me because he’s usually so social, independent, and easy.

We got to tell our families this past weekend (August 23rd-24th) that we are expecting! It was such a blast telling everyone about you and how we already got to see a little glimpse of the little one. Everyone was so over the moon excited.

Around this time of the year (usually not until October), but exchange names with the adults for Christmas presents. It saves us all a bunch of money and we are able to enjoy spoiling the kiddos and just being together as a family; which is my favorite part of Christmas anyway (oh, and also all the food). So, when we were with the Lopezes Nana and Papa had prepared dinner — oh wait, back up. Nana and Papa already knew! They found out the weekend before when they came out to give Alex and I a night off. They took Teddy and brought JuJu with them to stay in a hotel for the night! The next day we showed them a house we were interested in and at lunch I kept forgetting and dropping things and Alex said, “Why are you so forgetful and dropping everything?” And I said, “It’s probably because I’m pregnant!”

Nana said, “Wait, what?! Did you plan that?” (Meaning us telling them, not the pregnancy).

Haha. We really wanted to tell them and when Alex said that, I couldn’t resist.

So, back to the story. Nana and Papa already knew and set the stage for us to tell C&A and the kiddos. We exchanged names and then talked about the holidays coming up and trips we’re planning. I has planned on getting through Christmas and then “casually asking” about April Fool’s Day 2015. But, as things do with kids, they got out of control fast. Teddy refused to eat his dinner, JuJu wanted to play outside and Emmy had a poopy diaper. As we were planning and trying to get everyone back to the table I could tell everyone was getting restless so I finally said, “So, what’s everyone planning on doing April Fool’s Day 2015, because we were thinking about having a baby that day.”

::stunned looks and questioning glances::

“Are you guys pregnant?”

“YES!”

Hugs and such ensued.

The next day we went to Grandma and Grandpa’s church and somehow to it was understood that we were going to Grammy’s house after church for a family lunch. However, no one told Grammy. Hah! Did I make it up? We’ll never know. But, in true Thomazin fashion, we threw something together and went over anyway.

I suggested that since we were all together that we do the name exchange for Christmas. So, I wrote everyones names on the pieces of paper, but on the one I was going to hand to my mom I wrote “Baby Lopez Coming April 2015!”. I stated the rules that you couldn’t open up your paper until everyone had received their paper and then if you got yourself or your spouse you needed to switch. My mom opened hers and screamed! “Are you serious?!”

“What does it say?” “What?”

“It says, ‘Baby Lopez Coming April 2015!'”

Then, more hugging, questions, pictures, and joy was shared.

We can’t wait to meet this little baby!

Baby Bear Due April Fool’s Day 2015!

We are having another sweet little baby! We can hardly believe it! This Mama Bear could not be any more excited and nervous and anxious and tired. Papa Bear is freaking out and also so excited. Brother Bear has no idea what is about to happen — boy, is his life about to change.

I found out I was pregnant right before I left for the Havasu trip with the Cotsenmoyers. I felt off and was early, but I wanted to know for sure. So, I took and test and it was sooooo positive. I was beaming and I couldn’t wait to tell Alex — except that I was about to tell him, “Hey! I’m pregnant, now I’m leaving for a week and won’t see you. Have fun!” I couldn’t bring myself to tell him right before I left. I decided I would just keep it on the “DL” for a week. No one would suspect right? Right? WHO WAS I KIDDING? Do you KNOW my best friend Amy? I wasn’t even there two days before she cornered me in her bedroom accusing me of being pregnant. I tried so hard to play it cool but I’m such an awful liar. She hugged me and we cried for like two seconds because our children were screaming from the other side of the closed door. We proceeded to have a great trip and Amy kept my secret very well.

I came home from my trip on Friday and I had wanted to tell Alex that evening on a date. As things do, it didn’t work out so I waited until Saturday. We were supposed to have an inspection on a house that we are interested in and so I thought I would do the whole “bear present” thing again and have the bear with a balloon in the possible nursery of the house. Then, I started second guessing myself. “What if we don’t get the house?” “How am I even going to pull this off anyway without him figuring it out?” “What if the baby doesn’t make it and I made such a huge deal about it?” Clearly, I was overthinking it. So, I started getting a bit overwhelmed by the idea of taking on a huge project house with this little secret growing away in my uterus. I just had to tell him. So, on Sunday morning Alex was making me breakfast in the kitchen, gave me a fresh cup of coffee and as I hugged him I said, “Whatever we decide to buy, it has to have a least three rooms.”

He looked at me with wide eyes and said, “ARE YOU PREGNANT?”

“YEAH!”

“I need to sit down.”

His whole perspective changed. Suddenly, this thing that we were planning for became and actual reality! So, we’re still on the hunt for a house and praying for the right direction. All we know is, God’s timing is perfect and we are beyond excited.

Little one, we are so excited to watch you continue to grow!

Love,
Mama Bear, Papa Bear and Brother Bear

Teddy Takes a Vacation | Part Three

We seriously had the time of our lives on this vacation. It was such a joy to see Teddy take in all the beauty around him and enjoy each beach we went to. He’s such a good boy.

ACCOMMODATIONS:
Bali Hai was where we stayed for the first two days, on the Princeville side of the island. It’s just about an hour from the airport and I truly believe it’s the nicest part of the island. The accommodations are great! There is a pool, a fitness center, DVD rental, full kitchen in the units as well as a washer dryer. Eating out during vacation can be fun, but also expensive, so we opted to do some grocery shopping once we moved to Ka ‘Eo Kai, second residence for the week.

Ka ‘Eo Kai is great too. We stayed there a lot while I was growing up so it holds fond memories. The layout is nicer than Bali Hai and there was more room for Teddy to run around, safely. The washer and dryer in the unit made it so much easier on this mama, who has a baby who gets dirty ALL THE TIME. The views here are gorgeous and it’s walking distance to a park and Foodland, where we grocery shopped.

SIGHTS AND RENTALS:
Kauai is easily drive-able in a day, so there are plenty of sights. What’s great about island life though, is there isn’t anything you absolutely MUST do except go to the beach every day.

The Wailua Falls are absolutely beautiful and an easy drive to the top where we looked over and took a few pictures. We did find out that there is a hike down to the falls that we might try out next time.

Kapaa has an 8 mile Bike Path all along the beach which is beautiful and fun. We rented bikes at a shop just at the end of the trail and did the whole thing! There are plenty of places to stop along the way and Teddy even fell asleep at the end of the trail.

On our date day Alex and I rented kayaks from Kayak Kauai and paddled up the Wailua River. If you take the river to the left is a swimming hole with a rock to jump off of and a rope swing. I was too chicken to do it, but we continued on past the swimming hole until we reached a tinny tiny waterfall and turned around. There was a spot that was absolutely still and gorgeous, we even saw cow grazing near the river. We should have worn tons of bug spray though, because we were eaten alive!

The river to the right goes to the falls. We docked our kayak and hiked what was supposed to be a 1/2 mile trail and felt like 2 miles. There was mud everywhere, up to our shins. But it was fun. At the end of the hike is the secret falls. It’s really not so secret because tours go in and out of there every 2 hours or so. We packed a lunch and enjoyed it after a cooling swim in the lake below the huge waterfall. Then, we had to hike back. I fell about 5 times and I’m pretty sure I bruised my tailbone — I was just getting so tired. Then we kayaked back! We had a blast but we were totally sore the day after. PS. Kayaks are actually kind of heavy!

FLYING HOME:
We actually planned our trip home really well. We did all our laundry before so all we had to do was repack our bags and the thought of just having to put our clothes away when we go home instead of having to do piles of laundry was such a relief. We left in time to grab a nice dinner at Duke in Lihue and return our cars. We boarded at 8:30 and asked the stewardess for milk for Teddy. We flew out at 9:30 pm, which is usually right when Teddy crashes. He stayed awake until just after take off and then passed out and he slept the whole way home sprawled out across my mom, Alex and I. We however did not sleep as well as Teddy.

The flight is 5-6 hours and then on the way back we added three hours so we arrived at 6:00 am. We had arranged for Alex’s parents to pick us up from the airport. We grabbed coffee and breakfast at the Starbucks next to baggage claim and they picked us up and took us home. Chris and Amber were here too and their entire family took Teddy to the beach for the day so we could catch up on sleep. IT. WAS. GLORIOUS. Alex and I unpacked, showered and took the longest naps in the history of naps. When we woke up the first thing we did was eat In-N-Out. Such a great welcome home!

Teddy Takes A Vacation | Part Two

EATS AND THE BEACH
We landed! My parents had already been on the island for the week so they met us at the airport and while Alex got the car, my mom and I hung out with Teddy. My parents had told us we could do any excursion we wanted to and they would pay for it, but then they surprised us by getting us a convertible for the week instead! The perfect excursion that keeps on giving. Needles to say, Alex was stoked. When we were planning our trip we had to decide if we were going to bring Teddy’s carseat or not — originally I had decided not to and we found out that Enterprise actually provides carseats as a courtesy.

While we were there, it was great, except that I had to put Teddy front facing because the back of my seat was touching his if we rear-faced him. He LOVED it. I made sure to read up on the laws in Hawaii and read the manual on the specific carseat they provided. He met all the requirements. After arriving home though, I read an insightful blogpost by Alicia regarding carseat safety and we ultimately decided to keep Teddy rear-facing until he’s reached the height and weight limitations of his current seat.

Vacationing with grandparents is AWESOME. The first two days we were there, Teddy slept in my parent’s room so Alex and I could feel free to sleep in. It was so nice to catch up on some sleep, even with the three hour time difference. My parents took Teddy for a whole day so Alex and I could kayak and hike without the little one. Another night they took him for the evening so Alex and I could have a nice dinner! What a treat.

We did our best to help Teddy transition by keeping him up in the morning until his “normal nap time” (10 am) and he adjusted fairly quickly. Teddy is such an easy baby. While we were out, if he was tired he would just fall asleep in the car. However, it only takes about an hour to drive around the entire island so his naps were pretty short. For the most part, he wanted no part of any naps because there was just too much exciting stuff to see!

We went to several beaches on our trip and we also ate at a few great places too!

BEACHES:
Kee Beach has a fresh water lagoon that goes right into the ocean. There is a rope swing and fish in the lagoon. The surf was great for body boarding, but the tide was a little rough for Teddy so we stayed mostly in the lagoon and playing in the sand.

Poipu Beach Park has lifeguards, showers, bathrooms, large shady palm trees, covered picnic areas and generally mild surf. It was perfect for Teddy. He spent the day picking up coconuts of the ground and digging in the sand. It was especially nice to be able to hose him off and change him before getting back in the car.

St. Regis Resort Beach is a private beach, but they have free valet and the dining is great. As long as you act like you own the place and are honest with the clerks they are usually pretty cool with people who aren’t staying at the hotel. You can partake of the bar, spa, and rentals if you would like. This is our favorite beach. The beach very gradually goes down into the ocean, with little to no surf, which was perfection for Teddy to feel confident in walking around. There are small patched of reef too where you can snorkel or even walk along to see TONS of fish. The beach has large shady trees and hammocks. It’s very easy to spend the majority of the day here.

EATING:
Makana Terrace is perfect for a night out. Alex and I enjoy an amazingly slow and beautiful sunset dinner here on our date. Everything is grown locally and nothing is prepared until you order so we just enjoyed the fresh bread with herbed butter while sipping our wine, watching the sunset over Hanalei Bay. The sushi was fantastic! I would have come just for that.

You can also return for brunch the next day! It’s $38 per person, but absolutely fabulous. Teddy just picked off of everyone’s plate and drinks were included. They have a fresh omelet station, fresh local veggies, eggs benedict, parfaits, waffles, pancakes, and gluten free options as well.

Puka Dog is a MUST on the island. We went to the Hanalei location (this town is one of my favorites). I got a polish dog stuffed in a pretzel bun with garlic sauce and a fruit topping. Sounds bizzare, right? It’s NOT. It will blow your mind.

Al Pastor Tacos is so good. Especially after a long day of kayaking and hiking. We were totally craving some good Mexican food and this place did not disappoint.

Hanalei Coffee Roasters is one of our favorite breakfast spots. The coffee is great and we usually hang out on their porch to escape the occasional rain or walk around shopping.

Lappert’s is some of the best ice cream ever. There is one in walking distance from our resort and that’s usually how we justify getting it — because we walked there.

Dukes is usually our last stop before boarding the plane back to the main land. The views during dinner are unbelievable and the food is so good. They also have a really great salad bar that comes with your meal.

Let’s just be real, you go on vacation to lay on the beach and eat so this was pretty much the best vacation ever.

Teddy | 10 Months

Teddy, I’m not going to lie, this month has been hard — to say the least. You’ve been sick, teething, trying to learn new things this month and it’s been a whirlwind. You’ve mastered copying intonation in our voices, saying, “mama”, “dada”, “bah”, “dah”, “nana” “ah-duh” and “eeeeeeeeeee”. You love to copy hand gestures and you wave at everyone. You can even sing! You constantly bring joy into our lives, even during tough times.

You have two new teeth coming in but only one has popped through giving you 5 teeth total! You just started learning to nod — though it looks more like you’re bowing, AND THEN on the last day of your 9th month on this earth you learned to walk! You’ve taken 5 steps already and you’re very apprehensive but you did it. I knew you could!

We are constantly amazed by the gift that you are to us. We love you.

* * *

Where do I even begin? This month started out with us finding out some amazing news. While I was in the ER getting IV fluids from the awful flu I had, they doctor ran a pregnancy test and told me I was pregnant! I was floored. We had just started trying and I had taken a test the previous month but it was negative. I didn’t know how far along I was and they told me to make an appointment for that week with my OB. I drove home with new energy so excited to tell Alex. They gave me a piece of paper that said, “It has been determined that you are pregnant”, so I circled it a bunch and put some exclamation points after it. When I got home Alex was rocking Teddy so I got ready for bed and put the paper on his pillow.

When he walked in he thought it was a bill for the hospital and was frustrated, but then it hit him… “Are you serious?”, he said. I just shook my head and laughed. He face planted onto the bed. We both were shocked and excited.

The rest of the week is kind of a blur, I wasn’t able to get an appointment until the following week on a Tuesday, so we went through the week with this huge secret and getting excited. We told Teddy he was going to be a big brother — which of course he understood completely. Tuesday rolled around and we were so excited. I had mentioned to Alex that “this was the ultrasound where we [would] get the first picture of our baby!” We arrived and there was no one in the OB office, which I thought was strange. We were put into a room and we waited. The nurse and doctor came in and Alex excitedly talked with the nurse about how Teddy was going to be a great big brother. The doctor placed the ultrasound and looked and looked and looked… and looked. I saw the baby. I saw the sac. But what I didn’t see was a heartbeat. I knew. He didn’t even have to tell me. I remembered so vividly seeing the flicker of Teddy’s heartbeat and it was very clear to me that there wasn’t one here.

The doctor was quiet. The nurse was quiet. Then, finally he said, “Here’s the sac and here’s the baby, but as you can see… there is no heartbeat.” All I could say was, “Yes. I can see that.” I just started answering in the affirmative to every question. I don’t even remember what he said. Then, he printed out the picture. The first and last picture I would ever have of our baby. And I lost it. I was supposed to put that picture up on our fridge next to the one we have of Teddy. I couldn’t handle what was happening and it came out in shaking and tears.

Slowly, we began the process of telling family and friends that we had miscarried — which was difficult because we hadn’t even told everyone we were pregnant yet. I heard some amazing encouragement and had tearful phone calls for days with amazing people who loved on us. People brought us meals, visited us, took care of Teddy so I could rest and mourn. People were amazing. Loving. Alex and I researched our options, I spoke with people who had experienced all the options and ultimately we decided on a D&C. It was hard. They call it a “missed abortion”. It hurt to have a word with such a negative connotation ascribed to this situation where I wanted this baby.

Family surrounded us in the days before, loving on us and taking me shopping (Thanks Debbie). Then, my mother and grandmother came the day before my surgery and helped me. They stayed the day after so I could sleep. I remember being at peace about my decision. I don’t remember feeling empty like I thought I would. I just remember being so very tired. Teddy was amazing. He was so loving, cuddly, and so well behaved with whoever was watching him (Thanks Christy). So many people took care of us, bringing us meals (Thanks Jonna, Sarah and Billy, Sal and Barrett), wine and Oreos (Thanks Am), and talking to us (Thanks Andie, Bree, Ash, Amber, Kim, Meg, Cris, Sarah, Crisa), praying for us (Thanks, EVERYONE!). We felt so much love.

We didn’t really come out of the fog for a few days and I had finally had it. I just wanted to get out of the house. Amber agreed to meet me in Pasadena at the Kidspace Museum with the cousins. WE HAD A BLAST! The kids did too. It was so nice to just do something fun.

But, when I got home I was so tired. I tried to relax but I started shaking and felt cold. I did my best for about 4 hours playing with Teddy and getting him ready for bed, but when Alex got home from studying he took my temp and it was 102. I had to go to the ER because of the risk of infection so Auntie Jonna came over to watch Teddy. I was so out of it that when Billy and Sarah arrived at the hospital, I saw them and said, “Why are you guys here?” Sarah just laughed and said, “Because you’re here.” They admitted me and I finally went home around 3:00 am with antibiotics. The infection made things so much harder. The antibiotics were awful on my stomach and I was still having a full fledged “recovery” from the surgery.

I’m still recovering. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. We celebrate the life that we have and the precious boy we have. We mourn the loss of our little one. In all the mess, we continue living and enjoying and praising God for his provision and grace and LOVE.

And Teddy, he just keeps on smiling, growing, learning and changing. It’s been an insane month, but in the end We KNOW we are blessed. Blessed with life, friends, and our health. We are even blessed with the things we lose, because we had the joy of them being OURS even if it was just for a while.

To share in the joy that life brings, here are some pictures of our sweet Teddy and some of his adventures this month. Enjoy!

Teddy | 6 Months

Half a year! Teddy, you’ve made it. Not only have you survived without any serious bodily injury, but I don’t think we’ve messed you up mentally really either. You love to challenge us — that’s for sure. You make a decision and you just go for it. Nothing is going to stand in your way!

You continue to show you absolute favoritism to our dog. Boone. Yes, Boone is your most favorite thing in the whole world. I never thought I would have to compete with the family dog, but both Dad and I struggle to get your attention if Boone is in the room. You laugh and screech hysterically whenever he enters the room.

You’re also loving food and crawling everywhere. I cannot turn my back for a second and there is absolutely no getting anything done while you’re awake. You require my complete attention now. It’s fun though. You are such a fun guy to hang out with. You love to explore things around the house. Your favorite thing right now is boxes, cords, and the laptop. That could have something to do with the fact that we moved this month, but I also think you love the computer because you get to talk to Grandma and Grandpa, Nana and Papa on the computer. You love them too, just not as much as Boone.

* * *

Teddy has had so many adventures this month. He had his first Halloween where he dressed up as a pilot and Boone dressed up as an airplane. We really wanted to do a family costume that was a bit more creative but between the move and Alex’s school schedule, there was just no way.I look forward to doing something awesome and creative next year! Not to discredit this year, because it was pretty stinkin’ cute.

We also moved this month. It was a crazy endeavor but we could not have done it without my parents and Creswell helping me pack and our amazing friends who helped us move! Then those who came over to help me UNPACK! Seriously, we are crazy blessed. Moving with a baby was so different from other moves we’ve done. I felt completely disorganized and felt like I didn’t help at all. It was a humbling experience for me and I’ve been realizing that even though I love helping others, sometimes it’s okay to receive help as well. I don’t need to apologize for it either — just take the help and say “thank you.” Again, I am so blessed.

Teddy has his six month check up this week and I’m pretty sure he’s over 20 lbs now. Exercising with him has been fun. I feel like I’m building up some great arm muscles from tossing him in the air and doing “baby-kisses pushups”. He doesn’t stay on his back very long for those though.

The milestones that Teddy met this month include: actual crawling, pulling himself up on things, saying “baba”, getting his first teeth (the bottom two), and eating real food! I feel like this past month he just decided he was going to accomplish a bunch of things and he just did it! Remember how I was saying it’s so nice that he’s not growing up too fast? Well watch out! I’m pretty sure this kid is going to be walking by 9 months.

Teddy can crawl so quickly now. I cannot turn my back for a second. He’s getting into everything. The cupboards, the dog bowls, the boxes, the trash, cords behind the couch. He’s obsessed with everything he shouldn’t be. It’s going to be out goal this weekend to start baby proofing the house, that’s for sure.

Not only can Teddy crawl, but he can pull himself up onto things. He crawls over to his walker and tries desperately to pull himself up to reach the toys. Thank goodness we have carpet now because on the wood floors he would never be able to get up on it. There is an unfortunate side effect to this new talent though. He falls a lot! I’ve been able to catch him many times but it’s crazy how fast he just topples over without any warning! He’s a trooper and gets right back up. We haven’t had any big tears yet.

Teddy’s newest addition to his language set is “baba”. He says this all the time. When I say all the time, I mean it. At his 3:00 am feeding and diaper change, as his 6:00 am wake up call, morning, noon and night. What is hilarious is that he will not say, “dada” anymore. If you say, “baba” to him he just goes and goes repeating it back and smiling at you. But once you say, “dada” he clams up. It’s the strangest thing. But again, when he decides something he’s going to do it. No bones about it. I am of course really looking forward to him saying, “mama”. I’m pretty sure my heart with just melt out of my chest and I’lll cry.

Teddy has also started eating food this month. He loves sweet potatoes, squash, avocado and chocolate shakes. Haha, okay, we’ve only given him a few sips of one, but he sure loves it. I’m so glad he likes such a variety of foods already. What we’ve found most interesting is that he LOVES sour and salty things like pickles and olives. Of course I LOVE them too so it makes me excited to see some of myself in him.

The weekend we moved we also had a fun family celebration! Nana and Papa celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary. Papa surprised Nana with a vow renewal which we all were able to be a part of. It was very special. Afterward we went to Santa Barbara for family pictures taken by the amazing Alex Creswell (Andie as we call her) and dinner. It was a lovely day.

Finally, Teddy’s biggest and most exciting adventure this month was his first trip to Disneyland! We drove down on Monday morning to meet Grandpa, Grandma Aunt Jewels, Uncle Thomas, and Uncle Jonathan to celebrate Grandpa’s birthday. We spent all day on Monday at the park and then Teddy and I were able to stay another day at the park on Tuesday. I know that Teddy won’t really remember the trip, but I know Alex and I will have fond memories of his first trip.

I can’t believe we’re entering into the holidays. I’m so excited for Teddy’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas. Until then though, here are a few pictures from this month with our little Bubba Bear.

Moving with a Baby

Are we insane? Yes… yes we are. Moving with a baby is HARD. Packing is a joke, cleaning is non-existent and so is rest. Any time Teddy was sleeping I was packing/organizing/cleaning. But the reality is, I have a part-time job and a full-time job being his Mom. Alex has a full-time job and a full-time school load AND he’s a Dad! So, when our lease was up we really had to consider if moving was going to be an option for us, or if we should just renew our lease.

Alex began the process of looking for a new place, just to see what was out there and what our options were. He spent neither every lunch break for a week looking at places. He narrowed it down to three places and made a spreadsheet (because that’s what we do) comparing them all. Together we decided on apartments in TO, 7 mins from Alex’s work, close to church and our doctors, and the mall. It’s a one bedroom with a den (for Teddy), central A/C and a washer/dryer AND dishwasher. It has everything I needed to feel good about making a move. So, the packing began.

My parents and Creswell came out the weekend before the move and we kicked the crap out of packing. Every single thing was packed except for essentials. It was a huge blessing and I still can’t believe we were able to get it all done in two days with a baby. Teddy was a champ but definitely was having a bit of a panic attack at us packing everything up. The poor guy didn’t understand what was happening to his house!

Then throughout the week Alex and I began packing up the essentials. The weekend rolled around and we had family come visit. We celebrated Nana and Papa’s anniversary and also attended church on Sunday. Everyone thought we were crazy. Maybe we were, but our time with our family and church family was precious. On Sunday, after church, Alex got the UHAUL and a bunch of church friends met us at our apartment (6 to be exact). It took all six of us and Teddy 6 hours to move all of our things from the old apartment to the new apartment. Did I mention that this new one is an upstairs unit? I didn’t? Oh. Did I mention that we might be crazy? I did? Oh…

4 of the guys lugged our bed, or couch, out table, our entertainment unit, Teddy’s crib and our PIANO up the stairs. I couldn’t believe it. All in 6 hours time.

This past week I’ve had so much help unpacking the place. Almost every day someone has come over to either watch Teddy so I can unpack or help me unpack while Teddy is napping. I can’t say it enough, WE ARE BLESSED.

The new place seems to be agreeing with us. I absolutely love it and Teddy is warming up to it as well. In fact, he’s finally sleeping through the bulk of the night now in his own room. For the past four nights he’s only woken up once. I’ve enjoyed the sleep and the extra energy I’ve had to be able to work and unpack. Again, we’re blessed. And also, crazy.

Our family tradition. We always have Del Taco the first meal in a new place.

1 Year Ago A Pregnancy Started

Today is Labor Day and it’s fitting because it was a year ago, TODAY that we found out we were pregnant. After a YEAR of trying. We were finally pregnant. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I remember shaking in total shock at the TWO LINES on the pregnancy test. After many… many 1 liners. I remember friends and family praying for us to get pregnant. And I remember my friend Amy in tears telling me she was pregnant and worried that I would stop being her friend because she’s just so darn fertile. I remember the look on Alex’s face and the tears in his eyes when I gave him the bear. I remember the shock on our families faces when we told them. Our little one was loved so much already and he didn’t even know it.

I look back and I’m so grateful. Just so in awe. That year we were trying seemed like an eternity. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for those who have to try so much longer. The heartache after heartache. I feel for you. I pray for you! I promise you, God has a plan. In the midst of it, it’s so hard to see and it doesn’t make the heartache any less painful. Be in it. It’s real and it’s okay to feel that way.

But oh, when you come through it. It’s glorious! God is so amazing in His timing. Teddy coming into our lives could not have been any more perfect. What a crazy adventure we started — just a year ago!