Updates – Hello Leelo

Sam | 11 Months

Sambito,

You are now 11 months old. You’re going to be 1 next month. You are a babbling, independent, opinionated, spunky, adventurous bundle of love. You are affectionate and sweet, have NO personal space, you give kisses and hugs and you love cars. You can play by yourself for an hour — I’m not exaggerating. You make “vrooooom” sounds while you play with anything that remotely looks like a car. You love your brother’s quad and you crawl as fast as humanly possible to it when you’re released to the outdoors.

You’re starting to point to the things you want while grunting and you love to eat. Constantly. I’m going to have to buy a second fridge at the rate you and your brother are consuming the food I buy. Thank the Lord for Costco.

You have 8 teeth now and are working on a new pair of lower teeth. You also had an awful cold this month which left you and your brother energy-less for almost a week. You still managed to smile through the tired and smear your snot all over everything. Even while sick you took your first step! Your great-cousin (I think? second cousin once removed? I don’t know) was playing with you on Grammy’s floor when you suddenly decided that you’d let go of the couch and take a step. I was floored. Badoom, #momjoke.

* * *

This month was full of adventure. Mostly the Disney kind. Since we decided to get passes we’ve gone at least once a month. This past month we went twice! It’s been a blast taking the kids and I’m really hoping they don’t get too spoiled in the Disney way, because sometimes I think I enjoy it more than they do.

We also made a trip up to Santa Barbara (gosh the drive up is gorgeous) to meet up with my cousin and her son at the Zoo. The Santa Barbara Zoo is beautiful and we could not have asked for a more perfect day. I’ve decided too that I need to have a 12 year old with me at all times. Gabriel was so helpful with the littles.

Sam is starting to show more of his personality and preferences lately. When he doesn’t get what he wants or you tell him “no” he throws himself on the floor and flops around crying. I’m talking huge crocodile tears. It’s all I can do not to laugh. He’s also settled into his little brother role fairly well. The other day I set him up with his bottle, Teddy with an apple and I went to my bedroom to get dressed. While I was in my room I heard Sam cry/yell for a second and then stop. When I came out, Teddy was sitting on the couch sans his apple, which Sam was chomping on happily. Essentially, he’s learned that if he cries Teddy will give him what he wants so Teddy doesn’t get into trouble. Hah! I had to explain to Teddy the difference between sharing and enabling. And of course, once I took the apple away and gave it back to Teddy the “tantrum” ensued. Good grief. Whomever said, “boys aren’t dramatic” NEVER had boys.

The bond between Sam and Teddy is growing day by day. Teddy is usually up first and while I’m doing my devos or making breakfast or let’s be real, waking up with coffee Teddy sits on the couch with some cheerios watching Daniel Tiger or playing in the play room. As soon as he hears the slightest whine in the monitor he jumps up and says, “Sammy’s awake!” We run into Sam’s room to see a happy baby grinning ear to ear as his brother runs to his crib and says, “Hiiiii Sammy. You have good nap, yeah?” Gah, my heart. They play together… like brothers. It’s not always nice, it’s not always gentle, it’s not always calm, but, Sam is learning to hold his own and Teddy is learning to be more empathetic. The days are a constant adrenaline rush. I can only imagine how many grey hairs I’ll have by the time they are 10 and 8. Lord, help me.

I can’t believe we’re entering into the last month of infant-hood. I’m not entirely sure when they are technically done being infants, but I like to imagine it’s until they’re ONE or walking. So, I’ll hold on to your last month of being my baby, before I officially have two toddlers. Ahhh!

Sam | 10 Months

Sammy,

You have 8 teeth now! You sure do love to use those chompers and using them to eat everything in sight. It’s time to break out the vacuum each day to avoid, what your Auntie Amy calls, “The floor of death”. You’re a constant ray of sunshine except when you DO NOT want to do something, like go to sleep. You prefer things to be on your terms and you like to exercise your independence. I don’t know if it’s the fact that you have an older sibling but you seem to think you are capable of more than you actually are. You’re already riding around on whatever you can, pushing around whatever you can, jumping on things, eating everything we’re eating — no more baby food for you mister.

You play independently very well. It’s a treat for you and I when big brother is sleeping because we can play together for a while and then you’re totally fine with exploring on your own. I think you prefer it actually. I think you can actually can sense me hovering and you do not like it.

You got sick this month and decided that you were done breastfeeding — a bittersweet day for this mama. It was in the plan to hopefully have you primarily bottle fed by January but then you went ahead and decided that you were just going to just be done with that and go straight to formula. I think it had mostly to do with your bout with the flu right after Christmas. You threw up so much that I think you were just over the whole breastmilk thing. I didn’t realize how much it would make me sad that you were done. Again, you’re showing me who’s boss, that’s for sure.

* * *

To be perfectly honest, Sam. This past month was pretty slow for you, anyway. Everyone and their mother caught this horrid flu that’s going around (everyone except me that is), so we didn’t really explore or adventure much. You did have your 9 month check up — yes I’m that behind. Were you did great. You are 19lbs now, have an 18 inch head circumference and you are 28 inches long! I’m pretty sure we’re reaching the point where we need to get you a bigger carseat.

This month you’ve really taken to your brother. You’re noticing him a lot more and wanting to play with him. You copy some of the sounds he makes like a car, a lightsaber, and a ninja (“Hiya”).

This month, I turned 30! We celebrated with a day at Disneyland, then dinner with the grandparents in downtown. Grandma and Grandpa took you for a few days with Mom & Dad got to spend two nights in a hotel! We stayed up late, slept in, saw three movies, and ate whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. And, it was hot! Your Dad also threw me a wonderful birthday dinner with friends after an afternoon of pampering with some girlfriends.

Mom and Dad also got to sneak away for the day to Disneyland (again) for Dad’s company’s “RICO DEElight”. This year we did a scavenger hunt around Disneyland and ended the night at Napa Rose. Nana and Papa watched you boys for us and we were told you both we’re great.

On the day you turned 10 months old, we went to… you guessed it. Disneyland! It was my first attempt at doing the whole thing. Driving there, getting you all out, in the stroller, folding the stroller, getting on the tram with two kids, a diaper bag, and a huge stroller with no help. It was stressful. But once we got into the park, it was pretty much a breeze. Friends of ours met up with us there and showed us all the “single mom” ropes. We stayed all day and for the parade too! Both you and Teddy were enamored. I loved it. We went on Winnie the Pooh 3 times, because we could. And you took your first ride on the teacups. You take after me in that you did not like the teacups. I could tell you got a bit queasy, just like your mama.

You LOVE giving kisses and it’s clear to me that you are understanding more of what we are saying. You know the word, “No” and you shake your head every time I say it. You’ll give a kiss if I say, “Can I have a kiss?” But not if I say, “kisses?” You’re a snuggle bug who’s smiley to the max when you’ve slept well. You HATE to be woken up (why oh why would I ever do this?). It’s happened once or twice and you’ve let me know your dissatisfaction.

We’ve also made some great friends on our street and all our kiddos get along! It’s been wonderful having a fellow mother-in-arms who will drop off Starbucks or watch the kids on a whim while I run an errand. Play dates abound with these kids!

Dude, you’re pretty much the funniest baby I know. You get humor. You laugh when someone produces a bodily function and I find that down right awesome. You’re a constant ray of sunshine and everyone knows it. We love you, Sambito.

Sam | 8 Months

Whoa Sam,

You’ve grown up so much this past month. We are a crawler now, a screamer when you’re hungry, and a champ at saying, “Mama!” You can also pull yourself up on things and then promptly fall over.

You love music. You rock back and forth to a family favorite, “Uptown Funk”. Or, the “Doh, Doh Song” as it is more affectionately known by your brother. We play “Stop. Go.” And you dance and stop with the music. Your laugh is so joyous and blasty. I LOVE it. You can play “peek-a-boo” all by yourself and you love when your brother plays it with you.

You want/need me a lot these days. Only me. You’ve started to cry if I had you off to someone and you really just want me to hold you. If I’m not holding you, you crawl around crying or climbing up my leg crying. You also have developed a good fake cry. It’s lovely.

You were sleeping through the night, but now you’ve managed to decide you want me multiple times throughout the night too. Your Dad has been a champ and gets up with you during the night too so I can have a break.

We’ve had so many fun adventures this month!

This month you had your first Halloween! We started the festivities with a trip to Conerstone Church’s trunk-or-treat where you and your brother dressed as an old race car driver and you were his mechanic. You’re a blast, kid. Always up for anything and always smiling.

On Halloween night, Nana and Papa came up and we dressed you as Charlie Brown. If you weren’t the cutest Charlie ever, then I don’t know what else!

You traveled out of state for the first time, to Arizona. There you met your GG Mary and GG Primo and Great Uncle Tony. Your brother ended up with a high fever while we were there and soon you followed. Thus, the next two weeks we would face fighting a family cold, you teething, and double ear infections for both of you boys. Phew, that was rough.

We also made a trip down to Riverside for a few days to help Auntie Amy and Uncle Trav — and to hang out with them, because we love ’em. You sure do love playing with Chan and Tess and they love you!
You had a visit from your Great Auntie Ro too! She came and spent the night with Nana and Papa. We went to the Reagan Library (a beautiful place)!

I know the next month is going to full of even more fun adventures, and I can’t wait to see you grow more and more into the amazing, fun kid I know you already are.

Sam | 5 Months

Sammy, you’re 5 months old now. And I’m getting better at making your posts timely — only a week late this time. Sheesh.

You are almost half way through your first year of life! This past month was so much fun and you know what they say about time when you’re having fun. It’s flies! And boy, has it. You continue to be the easiest baby. I thought your brother was an easy baby but you take the cake. You continue to have an extremely flexible schedule but don’t mind rigidity. You love trying to figure things out and are very into touching things lately. It’s absolutely amazing to see you feeling things out and working them over with your chubby, dimpled hands. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for those precious hands.

I’m going to call it: You are not a fan of the beach. You just don’t really like water in general. Sitting in the sand, sure. Sitting on a boat in the water, sure. But actually swimming in, playing in, touching the water… No. You don’t make a fuss usually but it’s obvious it’s not your favorite. I like seeing things like this pop up. It reminds me that you’re a different person than your brother and that you’re developing your own tastes and interests. Again, it amazes me to see you grow more and more into your unique self. I’m so excited to see the man you will become over the years.

This month was one giant adventure. We traveled to Oceanside, took family photos (you were a champ), went to Havasu with our best friends The Cotsenmoyers, and you went to your first birthday party. You also took your first bath with your brother — cuteness abounds.

You continue to be great car companion. You only cry when you crave attention or are hungry. I know, I know… So many people are incredibly jealous of me right now and they should be! You are the baby everyone prays for. And hey, even when you’re crabby, you’re the baby I prayed for. I love you all the time and you make me proud all the time.

This next month we try our hand at camping. It’s going to be another crazy adventure because you can roll over at a moments notice and you’ve just started “Ricky-rocking” on all fours. I’m feeling like this month might be the crawling month. And then, boy are we in for it! A mobile baby changes everything.

I’m in awe, constantly, at how much you grow and change and inspire me. I’m a better mom because of you and your brother. You both test my patience and I fail constantly. I might say something too harshly, don’t explain a punishment well enough, or just feel blue and you both constantly forgive me and love me still. I hope you know I love you too… all the time.

Here’s to the next month!

I love you,
Mom

Baby Lopez | 36 Weeks

Baby,

We’re in the month in which you’re to be born! I can’t believe its finally here. I’m so ready to hold you and see your squishy little face. You’ve had the hiccups quite a bit this month and your movements are getting so strong! You’re still sideways and you like to keep your head to the right, which it where I usually feel your little hiccups. People can even feel them on the outside of my belly, which means you must have some strong lungs! I’m looking forward to that first, super strong cry as soon as you come out.

Braxton Hicks are strong with you, little one. I’ve had a few that felt like real contractions. You have also kicked me SO hard, twice now, that I’ve had to stop mid conversation and recover.

The doctor continues to remind me that I’m measuring about a week ahead and that you are a BIG baby. Surprise, surprise. I’m actually glad you’re going to be big because that means you’ll be a good eater and you’ll sleep for LONG stretches… right?

Come soon little one! We can’t wait to see you.

* * *

This final month is going by…. so… slowly. My goodness. Some days are REALLY good. I have a ton of energy and my nesting is in high gear. Some days require coffee and a whole lot of Jesus. Also, naps. I am so blessed that brother bear has adjusted to his new nap routine and bed time routine. It should make the process of rocking and nursing the baby constantly a little bit easier, or at least I can hope.

Alex and I have decided that Baby bear will be our last biological child. It’s not a decision we came to without great prayer, but we ultimately are very happy with the children we’ve been blessed with biologically. We’ve always been open to the Lord growing our family in other ways and we know that our family isn’t done growing, but I’m done growing them. Hah. Don’t get me wrong, I love my babies and pregnancy is a beautiful thing, but my body is done with this stage of life. I’m ready to start raising my little ones into amazing men and women. I can’t wait to see what the Lord has blessed us with this time!

As I’m writing this, I’m actually 37 weeks along (so is my picture) so we only have 2 weeks and 1 day left until my scheduled c-section. That means only 2 more weeks until we get to find out is Baby Lopez is a boy or a girl. I’m still 85% sure it’s a boy — as if I could actually know that.

For most of my pregnancy people have said, “Oh! you’re definitely having a girl.” But, recently almost every single person has said, “Are you having a boy?” I don’t know if I’m just all the sudden carrying differently or what, but it seems as though most people are jumping on the “boy” bandwagon lately.

This month has been an interesting time for us. On March 11th of 2014 I went to the hospital for my D&C, four days before that we had our second ultrasound to confirm that the baby’s heartbeat was null. Two days before that was our 8 week ultrasound where we would find out that there was a 7 week and 1 day old baby, but no heartbeat. To say that this past week has been emotional would be an understatement. I think Alex actually felt it more than me. I think because he never truly got to process it as it was happening, where as I’ve had the whole year to feel every single bit of the grief and pain to finally reach the point of acceptance. Maybe that’s what this feeling is. Acceptance.

The Lord has provided much distraction for me this past week, between family visiting and prenatal appointments, to retreats for Alex and maternity leave prep for me. I think He knew I needed the distraction, to focus on the joy that’s about to happen. I know I’ll have time to remember and grieve but I also think God wants me to notice and remember THIS pregnancy. I so appreciate that.

It’s been a long and tiring year, but also one full of so many, MANY blessings. God is beyond good.

Baby Lopez | 32 Weeks

Baby! You are a big one and your mama is getting bigger and bigger. You’ve been all over the place lately, giving me heartburn and moving around a lot at night when I’m trying to sleep. I feel you move even more so than I did with your brother at this stage. I can actually feel your elbow or your foot when you kick and you leave it there for a long time. It’s almost as if you’re reaching out, wanting to come out. I wish you would! I’m trying so hard to rest as much as I can and enjoy this time where I can keep you safe inside me, but boy… the bigger you get and the bigger I get, the more I want you out!

You aren’t shy like your brother was. Anytime I hold someone’s hand to my belly you are sure to put on a show and I love it! I love having you so close and I love that you wiggly like crazy when you hear your Daddy’s voice.

Only 7 more weeks until we get to hold you! I can’t wait.

* * *

Wow! 7 weeks left. So long and yet not at all. Almost two months but then it’s really not! I can’t believe this pregnancy is almost over. So much has happened this past month. Alex and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary and I turned 29. My parents met us in Pasadena the weekend of our anniversary and took Teddy for two days. In those two days, Alex and I tore it up at the house! We painted, scraped wall paper, binge watched FRIENDS on Netflix, and got the baby’s room ready. It was a precious time together and the house looks so great!

We also had some many random mishaps this month. My tire went flat after I ran over a nail, my back brakes were shot, Alex’s car broke down, and the plumbing under the sink went kaput! With each thing, came a bill or some money that needed to be spent but God provided through the month for us. We even found out Alex’s school loans are starting up again, since he graduated and that my medical bills for the miscarriage are not finished being paid, as we had hoped. AND, our flood insurance isn’t accurate and needs to be updated. We know this house is a blessing and we know that purchasing it was the best thing for our family, but man. When thing after thing piles up… it sure makes you wonder. In those times, its so important to remember what’s most important. We have our health, clean water, clothes, food, a roof over our heads. Even if it’s tight, even if we have to use all our savings for these last minute mishaps, God has provided and has kept us safe. Even if He didn’t, we would find a way to praise Him.

This past weekend, I was beyond blessed to have a shower thrown for me by my dear friend, Jonna. She commissioned my mothers, sisters, cousins, and best friend to help her pull off a beautiful shower in my honor. We spent Friday evening moving furniture, making centerpieces, and decorating until midnight. Then, Saturday morning we did all the prep for the food (which was DELICIOUS). A henna tattoo artist came and did full belly artwork on my baby belly, as well as art work on many other shower guests. There was mimosas, Italian sodas, quiche, scones, fruit and salad. I was blessed with all the gifts I needed to prepare for this little one and many of the guests decorated onesies for little Samuel or Eleanor. The decorations were beautiful and the company was even better. I couldn’t have been more honored, blessed, or celebrated.

This little baby is craving milk and semi sweet chocolate chips like crazy. I have to limit my milk intake because I’ve discovered that it’s what gives me heartburn! Also, I’ve had to cut carbs out of my dinner otherwise I’m up all night with heartburn as well. Peaches are also a craving I’ve had with this one, but I’ve noticed that my craving for brined food items to have gone down. I remember that could eat a whole jar of Spanish olives with Teddy and while, I’m sure I could, I haven’t really craved them at all.

This baby, constantly has me guessing as to what he or she will be, but I still stand firm that it’s a boy (at least at 80%). I had my 32 week appointment yesterday and we actually got an ultrasound! I had thought we were done with those. I’ve gained 17 lbs so far this pregnancy, which I’m happy with and Baby seems to be taking up all the space in my stomach as possible. The baby wouldn’t even fit on the screen! He/she is SO BIG now. I thought I was looking at his/her head, but it was an eye! So crazy. And, the baby is laying sideways, which explains the kicking of my bladder whilst grabbing at my ribs. The doctor also said, the baby has a fairly large nose. Hah! How you can tell that, I’ll never know but it’s cool. Teddy’s nose was pretty prominent too and it’s literally the cutest little bear nose, ever.

Okay little one… If I don’t make it to 36 weeks that would be fine with me! But, I’m guessing you’re pretty comfy in there, so I’ll see you when I see you.

Love, Mommy

Baby Lopez | 20 Weeks

Baby March! We’ve been calling you Baby April, but just found out that you’ll be born in March via c-section. I get to schedule the actual day in a few short weeks. Wow. You are growing healthy and HUGE, by the way. I went in for my 20 week appointment two weeks ago when you were only 18 weeks along and you’re measuring an ounce and a half bigger that normal (meaning you were measuring 20 weeks, at 18).

Now that I know you’re probably going to be another huge baby, I’m kind of glad to be scheduling my delivery with you. And now, I’m even more excited that we don’t know if you’re a boy or a girl yet! Not that having a baby isn’t exciting enough, but the thought of knowing exactly when you’re coming makes it more exciting that we’ll get to find out who and what you are right after.

Keep growing and making your mommy huge — I don’t mind one bit!

* * *

Wow, this past month has been a crazy whirlwind. We’ve been looking at houses on the down-low for a while and even gave up for a while. Then, our realtor sent us a few houses she thought we might be interested in. We loved two of them, put in offers, back and forth, back and forth, inspections, appraisals, and we might actually get a house for Thanksgiving. All in this past month.

We also traveled to Arizona this month, over my 20 week, mid-way crossover. All the Lopezes gathered together in Flagstaff and enjoyed time together for a few days. I actually got the flu the night we arrived and had to spend the first 24 hours of our vacation in quarantine, but Alex took great care of me and the baby. The next day we took to the Grand Canyon! Wow, what an amazing sight to see. It was kind of cloudy out, but it was still absolutely stunning.

Later, we took the kids for a ride on the Polar Express! My goodness, did they have a blast. They served cookies and hot cocoa and we sang Christmas carols all the way to and from the North Pole. The kids wore their pjs on the ride and Santa even paid a visit! I honestly think, of the whole trip, this was my favorite part. I LOVE Christmas!

Chasing a toddler around, working part-time, and growing another child has proven to be exhausting and thrilling all at once. I know how blessed we are to have each other and the amazing things we have to clothe, house, and feed us. We could not be more grateful. The second trimester has actually proven to afford me more energy and the ability to eat more — which has been showing in my waistline. Hah! I feel as though I’m about the same size I was at 28 weeks with Teddy, but I know it’s my second child and I’m being healthy and active so, it is what it is! I may need to ask for some maternity clothes for Christmas this year.

Please be in prayer for us as we transition into this next phase of life and also for the possibility of a house!

Baby Lopez | 16 Weeks

Little Turnip,

Wow, has this past month been interesting. You’re not making me as nauseous or tired, though I’m still pretty tired; that may have something to do with your fearless, adventurous, brother though so you get some slack. Simple tasks these days take three times as long to do and I have to sit down a lot. I completely forgot this part of pregnancy! How you’re tired all the time and feel like you weigh a thousand pounds and don’t have any energy.

You have me craving peaches and pickles, pretty similarly to your brother, although I crave peaches more this time. I’m eating them fresh, canned, yogurted, basically in any form. I’m not craving milk really and I definitely haven’t been able to enjoy a cup of coffee yet, which is a bummer — your mommy REALLY likes coffee. You will let me have an occasional hot chocolate or chai though, which is nice.

We’re getting to the point now where I could be feeling you kick more often. You did kick me really hard two weeks ago and I was stunned. I thought it was WAY to early for that. Since then, you’ve been pretty quiet. I’ve felt either flutters or gas bubbles for a while but nothing substantial. I’m really looking forward to you kicking me so I have a constant reminder of your presence.

We love you and can’t wait to hold you!

* * *

Well hello there baby bump! You decided to just show up there didn’t ya? Whelp, now I don’t have to suck it in anymore so, HOLLA!

Have I mentioned how tiring being pregnant and chasing around a toddler is? Nothing like growing another life inside you to make you feel so exhausted. I get winded walking around the house, climbing stairs, and I sometimes even get light-headed if I stand up too fast. I’m constantly feeling off, like something is physically wrong with me! No healthy 28 year old woman should be winded walking up the stairs. Then I remember that I’m growing a baby and I cut myself some slack, but not too much! As much as I’d love to just sit on the couch and eat fries all day, I know that’s not healthy for this little turnip growing inside me.

I still have an aversion to most vegetables and it’s pretty sad when things I love start tasting different or off. Especially if I spent over and hour cooking a tasty meal only for it to taste gross to me. It’s the strangest thing! Pregnancy is weird.

Teddy is continually keep me on my toes, mentally and physically. He’s a riot these days. He loves making people laugh, wrestling, chasing, and helping out around the house. He’s such a good boy, but man is he independent! So far, I’ve learned that taking something away from him without asking him to give it to me first is a HUGE mistake. He throws a MAJOR fit and runs away crying. It’s pretty sad, when I’m not laughing hysterically at him throwing himself on the floor, crying, “Nooooooo!” Like he’s falling into a pit of lava to his death. Teddy is so dramatic.

Anywho, we’re trying to get him prepped for the new baby coming by talking about babies a lot, but he’s not really getting the concept yet. I feel like he’s still so young and hasn’t learned enough about himself to understand something outside of himself. So, this whole sibling thing should be interesting.

Last month in September would have been when our second baby was due. I woke up Friday morning, on my due date so sad and I had a huge headache. There was nothing I would have rather done but to crawl in bed all day and have a good cry, but Teddy needed me. I remembered our baby in my own way that day by pulling out the ultrasound photos, the teddy bear I bought, and some other items. Then I packed them away again. I received a sweet card from a dear friend that completely touched me and allowed me the space I needed to cry. Thanks, Bree.

On my nephew’s birthday this past week, I was sitting there will all our family just in awe of God’s love for us, his children and thinking about how our little one would have been here for this day. Then as we were walking out to the car, my nephew accidentally let go of one of his balloons and it floated up into the atmosphere. I was overwhelmed. It seemed silly but I felt like the balloon was somehow going to reach heaven and our baby knew the balloon was from us.

It’s such an difficult thing to explain — grief. There are day I’m completely logical about it. I know my baby’s life was whole and complete, even though it was short. In that, I feel like I celebrate his/her birthday on the day they left my body. But for some reason, it felt appropriate to celebrate, even in a small way, his/her perspective due date as well. I guess there is no right or wrong answer when it comes it grief. It’s just a process.

Our rainbow baby, Baby April is so precious to us and we are so excited about this blessing of life granted to us, however long it is.

Here’s to 16 weeks down!

Baby Lopez | 12 Weeks

Little April Baby, man oh man have you made me tired. I’ve been so lucky not to have barfed at all this entire pregnancy (until the first day of week 12). You have made me oh, so nauseous though. The nausea where you’re sure if you could just barf it would go away… But, this ain’t my first rodeo kid. I’m so aware that the sickness stays and stays. But, man I thought we were in the clear! Home stretch into the second trimester and you had me barfing every hour. Sheesh!

You have eve already brought us so much joy, even in the midst of nausea. We keep trying to figure out where we are going to live and where we are going to put you and imagining what you’ll be! Your Daddy and I have decided to wait until you’re born to find out! I could not be more excited. We decided this after determining that the best course of action would be to have a scheduled c-section. I remember your Nana telling me how crazy it was to walk up to the counter at the hospital on June 5th to have your Daddy; no contractions, no pain and yet she was going to have a baby. So, we decided that since some of the anticipation was going to be left out this time, that we might as well make it a little fun. So, we’re planning on waiting to find out what you are! Here’s hoping no one screws it up.

We cannot wait to meet you and see what you’ll look like!

* * *

Growing another life while trying to keep a crazy toddler alive is seriously, no joke. Throw in a two story apartment complex on grocery day, no backyard for this kid to run around in, a part time job and nausea (now barfing), and you have a deadly cocktail for one tired and angry mama bear. Listen, I’ve been living without much sleep for the past two years, but these vivid dreams and tossing and turning and barfing and hunger has gots to go!

But, seriously… These dreams. So incredibly vivid and random dreams. Most of mine lately have to do with nesting. In fact, last night I dreamed about deying my sheets a deep indigo blue: the entire process, start to finish. How mundane and boring! Hah. And yet, those sheets turned about pretty stinking amazing — I was so proud of dream me. What does it all mean? Seriously, Dad… Can I get some dream interpretation over here?

Ive also not been able to cook hardly at all. I can’t stand eggs or any raw meat. It’s extremely rare that I even have the energy to make anything let alone the desire to touch or taste anything. Why is it that I seem to be able to taste the earth from whence all the vegetables came? And why does all meat taste so… Meaty? Gah. Just give me peaches and orange juice. That’s about all I want these days. Oh! Have I mentioned that I haven’t had any coffee either this go around? I was a two cups a day kind of girl before and I literally had to quit cold turkey because the smell of coffee would make me gap. It’s crazy how our bodies respond to these babies!

Just as when they are earth side, these babies that can cause so much strife and change are truly the greatest little blessings. I’m amazed over and over every single time we get to see our little one on the screen. And I keep waiting in anticipation for this one to move so I can feel it. I can’t wait for that! It’s my absolutely favorite part of pregnancy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you can make me feel sick all you want little one. I’m so privileged to be able to be carrying you and I can’t wait to hold you and squeeze you.

Love, Mama

Teddy | 11 Months

Teddy, I can’t believe next month you will be one year old. It’s crazy to think how much you’ve accomplished in just 11 months of life. You spent this past month expressing your independence through exploring, learning, and opinions. You’re pointing at things and grunting quite a lot. You’ve learned that if you point in a direction long enough, someone will eventually move in that direction and if you wiggle, smile and grunt enough, you’ll get what you want. I thought it was going to be easier now that you can let me know what you want, but a whole new world is here now where when you don’t get what you want. You cry and throw yourself on the floor. I thought that didn’t come until you were two?

You say, “dada”, “mama” (rarely), “papa”, “nana”, “doggie”, “hi”, “ba-bah” (grandpa), “dah” (jonna), “dee-doo” (thank you), and a series of grunts and variations of “da” for things you want. You’ve also learned “come here” (you wave towards yourself). You wave “hi” when someone says, “hi”, but you hold your hand to your ear whenever someone says, “hello.” You give kisses if someone says, “Can ‘dada/mama/whomever’ have a kiss?”, but not when someone says, “Can I have a kiss?”. You like to wave “buh-bye” to Daddy every morning when he leaves for work and you cry whenever ANYONE leaves the room. It doesn’t matter if 5 people are with you and one person walks out. Inevitably, that’s the ONE person you don’t want to leave.

You’re growing up so much and it’s so fun. I can’t wait to see what new things you’ll learn this next month!

* * *

This month has been crazy! We’ve travelled a lot and some of it I can’t even write all out because it was so crazy. We went to the beach many times this month because it’s Teddy’s favorite and despite my dislike for the beach in years past, I’ve actually come to enjoy it.

Nana and Papa went on a trip to Italy this month and we had the joy of picking them up at the airport! Teddy was a champ and was so excited to see them. He even made them a sign. We enjoyed seeing all their beautiful pictures and we enjoyed a quick trip visiting friends and family down south.

Later this month we made an epic journey from SLO to PASO to SAN JOSE, then back down to SLO and back home. All in about 4 days. It was a crazy, beautiful and fun adventure. I traveled whenever Teddy was napping and he was perfect. Even if he woke up and we still had a ways to drive, we would wave at each other and sing songs back and forth until we arrived. It’s amazing what songs and cheerios will do for an 11 month old! We visited Andie, The Brown Family and the Moseleys. We ate good food, had great conversation and made new friends. And the drive was BEAUTIFUL. Since Teddy napped every time we drove, I would listen to chill worship music, drive thru a Starbucks for a coffee and a treat, and then just enjoy the drive. Sometimes, I would cry from the sheer beauty of the view. Sometimes, I was processing our loss. Sometimes, I would roll down the windows to breath in the air. My hair would get messed up, the baby would wake up and I would realize I’m not a college student on a road trip. Heh. It was a blast.

The next weekend, my mom invited my sister and I to join her for a women’s retreat, which meant Teddy got to spend the weekend with Ba-bah (Grandpa). Every one at the retreat was so impressed that my Dad was watching him over night. Grandpa and Teddy had almost as much from as us girls did! It was such a sweet time with my sister and mom. We painted our nails, chatted for hours, and had times of fellowship with the other amazing ladies there. It went by way too quickly! But, at the same time, I was so ready to squeeze my little guy. He was happy to see me, and had huge hugs for grandpa before we left. He loves his grandparents, that for sure!

Much of this past month was spent getting ready for Christian Super Bowl (aka Easter). Lots of prep went into this past Sunday and the end result was wonderful. Everything ran smoothly and most importantly, people felt loved. It’s easy to get caught up in all the prep and forget the importance of the day we’re celebrating. So, I made sure to reign my Type-A personality in and just do a little bit each day while reflecting on Jesus’ sacrifice. Teddy even helped me get the “goodie bags” together. At first, it was frustrating that he kept trying to put stuff in the bags, but then a took a deep breath and found myself slowing down to allow him to help. It was so precious and I was reminded how important it is to teach our kids how to love others and take time for them.

Even if he crumpled a few bags and some kids got more stickers than others, every time I looked at one of those bags I smiled because my sweet little helper had put them together. And whoever received it was loved. It made me realize how much he can do, even if he’s so little. How impressionable he is, even at this young age. And the importance of taking every opportunity to teach him.

Last weekend, we had a wonderful relaxing time getting the signs together and prepping all the crafts for the kids but best of all, just being a family. Alex finally finished his Saturday classes so we had a Saturday all to ourselves! Then, Sunday morning, Easter Sunday, Teddy turned 11 months old! We dressed him in his Easter outfit and loaded everything in the car.

We arrived early and enjoyed a wonderful service with kiddos and people galore! 6 people were baptized on Sunday, and each and every person in the seats felt the weight of God’s sacrifice on Friday and the glory of his resurrection on Sunday, which meant our sins were forgiven.

After a time of celebration we ran home, grabbed our suits and head to… you guessed it — the beach! Teddy had a blast crawling in the water and walking on the beach. He picked up seaweed and squealed at all the dogs running by. After a good time in the sun we made the trip toward home and stopped at the Kappens for Easter dinner, prayer, and hang out time. We are so loved by so many and we were so blessed to be a part of a family meal, since we couldn’t be with our amazing families.

Here’s to month 11!